Last Saturday was my 3 year anniversary of my first major attack of Transverse Myelitis. As the anniversary approaches I go through a range of emotions including:
Sadness (wow, its been 3 years),
Anger (I can’t believe this is my life!),
Pride (look how far I’ve come),
Denial (see sadness and anger),
and even Guilt (I’m so sorry to my family).
I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when the day actually arrived. Would I sulk under the covers? Act overly happy to compensate? Pretend it wasn’t a big deal?
In the middle of the night (after putting Sophie down from one of her feedings) I privately acknowledged this day by starting to write this blog post. I could hear my husband snoring beside me, my dog snorting at the end of our bed and my baby cooing in her bassinet and I thought, I’ll be okay. Having Neuromyelitis Optica (NMO) isn’t a perfect life, in fact, it’s one I’d rather not have but it’s mine nonetheless. So on this anniversary I will take ownership of this life, including all the ugly parts. Sure, there is more hard work for me than the average person (with the baby weight and steroid combination I currently hate myself in the mirror daily), but there is also so much I’m extremely grateful for (check out www.happyrambles.com where you can document your daily thanks).
The rest of the day went by like any other average Saturday. We shopped at the local market, I took an afternoon nap, worked out and then an old friend and her new husband came by for dinner and wine. Giving myself permission to make this day a big deal if I wanted to made it quite the opposite – just another day. I’ll have to remember that for next year.
What do you do on your NMO anniversary?