We just returned from our trip to Whistler, BC and this year we made it a family event, bringing along my mother and brother in laws, one of my best friends and Mike’s aunt and uncle were able to meet us. And of course, my Sophie goes where we go. Many people were skeptical that I would be on my snowboard 6 months after giving birth so in true rebellious fashion I needed to prove them wrong. I like the satisfaction of saying, “I told you so”. Snowboarding is my representation of dusting myself off and getting back up – from NMO (Neuromyelitis Optica) and now having a baby.
I don’t know how it happened but somehow I’m a worse boarder than I was before. Why you ask? A couple of days every other year isn’t enough to get good at anything plus I still feel like an alien carrying these few extra pounds from child bearing. I pray that I’ll be good at the sport one day but the biggest barrier to my success is my ability to trust myself. As I stood at the top of each run I just couldn’t find my inner peace. I used to love the thrill of thrusting myself down the mountain yet this time I couldn’t find my excitement. I plugged my iPod in for motivational music and tried for inspiration from the snow covered trees and still nothing.
On my second day I spent the morning by myself cruising down each run, completing turns and only falling once. I still could not find my inner peace but I had a glimpse of it. I love being someone’s mom and someone’s wife but along the way I have been forgetting to be me. I don’t trust myself that I will find me again but I’ll keep forcing myself in situations like snowboarding till I do. Just like recovering from an NMO attack, maybe if I keep piecing together each of these fragments I’ll emerge a revised and improved version. I want to be the best me so I’m a good role model for my daughter.
Now that we’re home I’m planning to hit the hills again here in Ontario. They say practise makes perfect. Until then, I have prayer and laughter.
Here’s a sample of a song I use to stay motivated on the mountain: