I like to call my handicap permit my “Princess Parking”. I joke around about my permit and its convenience but if I’m being serious I’d rather walk a mile to the doors than live with neuromyelitis optica (NMO). I don’t look sick. I don’t live in yoga pants and hoodie sweaters. I don’t move horribly slow. I don’t have a walking aid (anymore) and I’m not a senior citizen. Instead, I try to always dress well, I’m usually carrying a toddler and you can bet that I’m distracted and in a hurry.
I don’t look like someone who should have a handicap permit. But I do. I have an invisible disability.
I haven’t felt my toes since 2009. Several spots on my body at any given time always feels like it’s on fire. My spine feels like a puppet master is pulling it out from the top of my head. And moving my legs or not moving my legs for an extended period of time (anything beyond 3 minutes) causes pins and needles. Having the permit does make my day just a little bit easier and I’ll take it.
So it’s frustrating when sometimes I get out of the car and people give me a dirty look or even yell at me.
I used to ignore their comments but then I’d find myself quietly stewing in my head. Then I started to see it as an opportunity to educate ignorant strangers on perception and creating awareness for NMO but that’s time consuming if I had to stop and chat every time. Truthfully, I even shoot a dirty look back if I’m in a bad mood and swear under my breath. It rarely happens because my husband is a 6’5” giant but occasionally folks will make comments when he’s with me and he immediately goes into defense mode (I won’t lie – it’s sweet and romantic).
Living with NMO is hard and frustrating. My normal every day is living with pain but I don’t like to dwell on it. I go about my activities to the best of my ability and forget that NMO lurks in my shadow until someone screams, “faker” or “that’s so wrong to use someone else’s permit”. I’m still trying to decide how to react when this happens and I’m looking to the NMO community for your ideas. Maybe there isn’t a perfect solution because people will think what they want to think.